Until recently, there was only one measurement scale to determine the giftedness of a person – the intellectuality coefficient (IQ). Despite all the attacks and criticism, this system lasted many decades and is still the main thing in determining the abilities and mental development of children.
But not so long ago, scientists have found that the results of IQ tests reflect only part of the picture. Why, for example, wise men with IQ 160 are subordinate to people with IQ 100, and sometimes their career does not succeed at all-apparently due to the lack of any necessary qualities. But what?
It turned out that in daily life is much more important than intelligence what is called emotional and mental giftedness: optimism, the ability to control oneself and keep a blow, the skill gets along with people.
Psychologists have long suspected the existence of dependence between emotional giftedness (EQ) and success in life. Many studies showed that high points in IQ tests are not the best predictors of a successful career and even more general satisfaction with life. If we are talking about distant forecasts, then the child’s ability to control his emotions and contact means more than the ability to solve puzzles.
Recently received data gives parents and educators a more active role. Brilliant mental abilities are not yet a guarantee of success, but very modest mathematical or linguistic inclinations – not yet a sentence. Therefore, “smart” children can help develop the necessary human qualities, the parents of “ordinary” children, together with teachers, must recognize and cultivate the talent that each of the people has given God.
EQ (emotional development) and IQ (intellectual development) are not something mutually exclusive. A child can be smart in a traditional sense and at the same time have excellent human qualities.
It will not be superfluous to recall that the concept of “emotional giftedness”, or “mental qualities” include not only interpersonal properties, as sociability, ability to empathize, but also qualities related to managing their inner life: control of emotions, the ability to wait, a feeling of waiting self -esteem…
The education of emotional intelligence (as well as ordinary) begins at home, and the main teachers of all useful qualities are the parents themselves. Couples that are better related to each other have more educated children.
Psychologists distinguish the three most common parental mistakes in what can be called the education of feelings.
One type of parents simply ignores the feelings of their children, considering them not worthy of attention. Often they are too absorbed in themselves and their own affairs.
Another type is inclined to indulge in its children in everything. They allow children to be “bad”, to make vengeful feelings in themselves, to bear unkind plans. They do not try to teach them to cope with difficult situations in a more constructive way. They also try to “bribe” an angry or upset child with something.
The third type is always angry and arrogant parents who do not respect people in general and their own children in particular. These are parents who shout: “Do not dare snap!”when a child tries to express his point of view on what is happening.
Good parents use all the grief and problems of the child as an opportunity to teach him something. They help to find constructive ways to solve the problem, and not just try to calm the child.
Children of emotionally competent parents have a tremendous advantage from the very beginning. Even if you approach the issue purely formally, it can be noted that at school they have better time than children with the same IQ, but from problematic families: they have a higher ability to concentrate, they are calmer and more responsible. Studies indicate that emotionally educated children are more popular among peers, they are more respected by teachers.
Who are emotionally gifted children? And what is more important – mind or feelings?
Dr. Goleman clearly painted the concept of “emotional intelligence” by points:
Self -report is a clear idea of what you feel at every moment in time. For example, a four -year -old baby can say: “I am sad because Fedya does not want to play with me”.
Self -control – the ability to remain calm, discard anxieties and troubles, to recover from blows. For example, the baby calms itself with different sounds, the preschooler does not respond to the provocation of peers.
Self -motivation – “auto -poll”, zeal and constancy. For example, a schoolboy can perceive a bad mark as a challenge and double the effort.
Empathy is an understanding of the feelings of other people. For example, a baby, having heard crying, may also cry. A preschooler can console a frustrated peer.
Contact – the ability to interact with others. For example, a four -year -old child does not burst rudely into someone else’s game and does not stand timidly away, but shows that he would like to join and asks permission from the players.
In one remarkable study, which was known as the “marmalade test”, a group of four -year -old children participated. They were heard multi -colored marmalade, and they had the right to eat them while adults leave the room. But if they suffer and do not eat their marmalades for the time, while there are no adults, they will receive two instead of one.
Thus, the level of self -control was measured. Researchers returned to these children many years later, when they finished school. It turned out that those who at four were able to endure longer than others had the best points in the certificate at seventeen. They were also distinguished by many valuable social qualities: knowledge of people, balance, composure in difficult situations. They were more reliable, responsible, productive in work than their peers who immediately swallowed their marmalade thirteen years ago.
In order for the child to grow up emotionally gifted, parents must teach him to love to live and enjoy every new day. Here are some tips on “emotional training”:
Learn to distinguish shades of your child’s emotions. Good parents are always more observant than bad. They notice not only the laughter or tears of their child, but also a sad look, and a little pouting lips.
First, help your child understand what kind of feeling he feels, and only then console. If the child is unhappy that he is teased at school, say: “I understand that you are offended and upset. I feel the same when people deliberately cause me trouble “. When the feelings are called “by name” to the child is much easier to cope with them.
Give up the benefits even from negative children’s emotions. Noticed that the child is angry or scared? It’s time to talk heart to heart, help the baby understand his feelings and become even closer.
Divide the positive emotions of the child: “Of course, you are glad and you feel pride, because this is a well -deserved five” and t. P. This causes a desire to go forward and achieve new victories.
Solve problems by setting the boundaries of the permitted. Say, for example: “You can be angry with your younger brother, but you can not take away a machine from him”. Help your child outline his own tasks and strategies.
Parents should always remember that the sooner the foundations of the emotional intelligentsia are laid, the faster they are vaccinated.